at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
