She's JV to your varsity
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
