Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
