She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
