I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
