youre lurking in front of me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
