Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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