So drunk its hurt
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
