And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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