i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
