so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
