last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
