So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize