I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
