my mouth tastes like poor choices
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
