I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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