I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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