They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
