i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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