I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
