ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
