my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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