using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
