I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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