On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This is the prime rib incident all over again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
