Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you will always have a special place in my vag
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
