I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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