just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
