Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
