dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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