Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
