Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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