no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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