it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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