you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
