My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
