And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
