That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Only a mothe r could love this liver
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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