dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
