I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
