it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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