I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
