She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize