That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
