she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
