Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
