mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
