Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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