Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
