he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
