everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize