i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
