I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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