How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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