my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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