She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
