M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize