You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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