I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
