Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
