Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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