twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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