remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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