Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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