Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
