If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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