I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
