Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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