Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Drunk is not a location!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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