Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
