I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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