Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
